I am coming up to a year since leaving my full time job of 13 years. Even now I find myself about to tell people that I quit my job as a midwife, but I check myself, and correctly instead say I resigned.
Definitions;
When people resign, they're leaving something, like a job or political office. ...
Being resigned is another sense of this word — it's a type of acceptance.
to accept that something undesirable cannot be avoided.
Resigned feels more accurate. I resigned myself to the fact that midwifery is no longer the same vocation I was so passionate about 20 years ago, I resigned myself to the fact that I was unable to change the culture of my workplace, I resigned myself to the reality that my heart was no longer in it and that I was tired beyond belief. I resigned, I am resigned they are almost one and the same.. acceptance has come slowly, I think I may have rounded that particular bend. I can understand that it was part of what brought me directly and indirectly to where I am.
Midwifery has been so good to me and for me both directly and indirectly. As a vocation/career it has given to me and I have given much to it. I just feel like the relationship might have come to an end.
I believe this has been a watershed year for me. A year of space to gain some perspective, acceptance and a sense of who I am.
Leaving a long term occupation which undeniably provided a huge part of my sense of identity sure left me with an interesting path to forge. Dealing with identity is a huge theme for many women entering the new phase of mid life and losing that part of who I was certainly added an extra dimension to this ongoing journey.
A large part of what this year of space has allowed me to do is rekindle my love for art, crafts and making. There has been no particular structure or order to the way I have set about this. I had started this blog in April 2018, and I set about rekindling it and it has been haphazard and unprofessional, I really do not have a plan for it and it is by no means widely read or publicized but it is a work in progress which I would like to continue.
Setting up Kate's Space
in the spare room separate to the house has been exciting and, again, a work in progress. At first I spent very little time down there, preferring to be with others in the house rather than on my own, but gradually I have grown to cherish my time in my studio. Rather than spending the time moving furniture around and wishing it looked like this or that I have begun to actually spend time creating, reading, writing or planning.
One of the ideas for Kate's Space was to make a place where women met and did art or craft together and connected and supported one another creating life time friendships as well as art. I called it "Make Do" and one of my daughters helped me with a flyer. I was full of disappointment at one point that it did not turn out as I had planned with women meeting each week and sharing their ideas and art, but then unexpectedly I met someone through Make Do and I have accepted that that might be all it was meant to achieve. It also set in concrete for me that I would craft on Thursday's either with others or if not on my own. I set up a facebook page also called Kate's Space. I wanted a space to share the creative things I did, made or attended. I lack confidence to post on my personal page so started Kate's Space so FB friends could choose.
Basically I have allowed myself permission to take advantage of this time to pursue my creative interests, all the things that I am often lovingly teased about by my family and friends. I think in the past I have let this prevent me from just getting on and doing what I love to do, that, coupled with my own lack of self confidence. So, I now spend lots of time scrapbooking, documenting everyday life with photos, and journalling and more recently creating mixed media art.
I have learned that not all art needs to be commercially viable, or even widely appreciated. In a world of FB and Instagram likes and followers there is plenty of room for those of us who are intrinsically drawn to be creative because it makes us happy and feel good. I have given myself permission to call my space, "my studio" and not feel embarrassed to do so. Who says there are certain things you need to do and be to call yourself an artist or to create? It is certainly time to get over that little hurdle or excuse and do what makes me happy, call it what you will. Hell, I'm even about to put some of my "art" on the wall in my "studio" for the first time and that will be a big deal for me.
Read this about Art and Health... there are many more articles about the health benefits of creativity.
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/320947.php
I'm counting on the knitting, sewing, writing, reading, photography, scrapbooking, crafting, art, gardening, yoga and baking, along with the red wine will keep me fit and healthy for a long time to come.
Speaking of A year of Space, I picked up an old book literally years ago called just that, A Year of Space, with a view to make an altered book kind of mini album type thing. I started a very long time ago, again not sure about where I was heading with it at all, by removing a lot of the signatures and machine sewing the remaining ones together to create pages. I then put a light coat of white paint on them, stencilled with white acrylic paint on the front cover and there it stopped. At that stage I had not begun my foray into the wonderful world of mixed media. Then recently, I googled vintage altered book covers and found so much inspiration, and I decided to have another go. My main inspo for this project was Nadya Drozdova https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GnQRVJDRhWs&t=12s
I used gesso on the cover and then crackle medium to give that very cool old cracked look, it's not a look I like to see on myself, but on a vintage book it's amazing. I used some old doily which I with mixture of distress inks by Tim Holtz and water colour paints. I stamped with embossing ink and used gold embossing powder and then I arranged my elements. I absolutely love how it has turned out .
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