I'm not perfect... which is perfect!

I turned 50 between the time I created this blog and now. I quit my job of 13 years and in doing so walked away from my career of 20 years. I bought a home with my partner, I travelled to Europe. I have obsessed about my changing body shape, vacillating between despair and acceptance, I have spent my summer working in a kitchen at a local winery with a view of the vines and the sea. I have set goals and met them, I have set goals and not anywhere near met them. I have begun scrapbooking and creating again and created a space in which to do this.

When I post my scrapbooking pages etc up on this blog, I can see flaws and imperfections in them and I consider why I do it. In fact even as I write this I am aware that nobody reads it and that could be considered a failing in and of itself. I am not perfect, what I create is not perfect, but I don't in fact make things for extrinsic reward. I have an intrinsic drive to be creative in some way. Yes I do post on social media, but getting no likes does not deter or dismay me enough to discontinue doing what I love to do. My family lovingly tease me about my hobbies, but again, knowing they do not value the same things I do does not stop me. I know why I do what I do, I know why I write this blog and that is enough.
Today I joined a gym. It is something I have done in the past and failed at. There is just something about walking into a gym that can send me into a mild panic attack. I know I am not alone in this. Is it the smell? The machinery which I just can't get my head around? I have in the past joined, been given a program, turned up the next day or a couple of days later, and had no idea what I was supposed to do, on which machine and with how much weight and how many times. It just makes me feel like a dick.
This time I am investing in myself a little more and having two sessions a week with a personal trainer, accountability and also a friend at the gym to ease me into the culture.
I have had injuries with my knees in the last year or so and want to build up some strength and resilience to avoid this in the future.
 I am also entered into a 1/2 marathon but I am unsure if I will be able to complete it because of my bung knee. Ahhh the joy of ageing.





I am not perfect, but I am learning as I get older the things that do make me happy and the things that do not.